"I've spoken with apes more polite than you. Now drop and give me twenty."
STATUS
Loading your embarrassing stats...
Week
1
Level
1
Total XP
0
Full Days
0
XP to Next Level
0%
Current Streak
0
Best Streak
0
Slack Level
0
Discipline
0%
TODAY: PICK ONE FROM EACH
Click an exercise's "Do Now" button for guided training with insults.
"I hope now you've learned to stop picking your nose."
Complete at least ONE exercise from each category (Strength, Endurance, Agility, Core) for a FULL DAY bonus. Full days build streaks. Streaks build swagger. Swagger makes you dangerous.
TRAINING GRAPH
Last 30 Days
Top of graph = full training day (all categories). Bottom = you've become one with the couch. The Sword Master is very disappointed.
TRAINING LOG
Recent History
Exercise
00:00
The Sword Master glares at you with profound disappointment.
The Sword Master will alternate between instructions and insults to keep you motivated. Don't quit. She's watching.
⚔️ BOSS BATTLE ⚔️
The Sword Master appears on the ridge, arms crossed. "Thirty days. Let's see if you're actually a sexy dad or just wearing the T-shirt."
Boss battles occur every 30 full training days. Win or lose, you'll gain XP. Fleeing increases slack and loses swagger. Your stats and streak determine the outcome.